“If you do your best but you expend much of it on the wrong things, you’ve not only wasted a lot of your energy and resources, you’ve also lost time and opportunities you may never recover….. being your best at what God wants you to be doing – that’s the thing to shoot for.” (page 94)
Being aware of what the season is that you are currently walking in is so important. My days and priorities will and should look a lot different as a mom of older teens and young adults than when I am retired and all my kids are grown. If I lived the retired lifestyle NOW sure I would be having a blast…. but my kids would not get the nurturing and guidance they so desperately need at this crucial time in their development. If I was retires and constantly in the “business” of my kids and grandkids, that would be just as inappropriate.
It is important that we carefully consider what we are currently “owning” and start giving back any situations or stuff that belong to other people in our lives that we have taken on for them. Do you know what I’m talking about?
There is a fine line between having compassion for others and wanting to serve and help them and carrying their burdens more than God ever intends us to. The more intimate your relationship with the Lord is, the more easily you will be able to discern if you are properly owning the right “stuff.”
As a mom of teens…. for my own sanity I HAD to become a master at this!!!! Here is my favorite example….
It is 8pm and your 9th grader (Tim) comes up to you right after you got on your comfy jammas and got settled in nicely to your favorite spot on the red sofa:
Tim: Um, mom…… I need you to go take me to get poster board.
Queen Mom: Ok, when do you need it by?
Tim: Well, my project is due tomorrow morning, so I need it tonight.
QM: When did you find out about this project?
T: Two weeks ago….
QM: Oh, ok. Did you forget about it?
T: Yeah.
QM: Well, I have two options for you.
1. I can pick up poster board for you tomorrow when i go to the store and you can turn in your project late for less credit. OR
2. It will take me a half hour to get dressed and go to Wal-Mart to get it for you. It would take you that long to make lunches for all the kids for tomorrow and vacuum the living room to help me. If you do that for me, I will go get your poster board when you are done.
…the decision is theirs and DO NOT go get the poster board until they have completed what you asked them to do for you. This shows them that your time is valuable and teaches them to create boundaries and think ahead. You did not own their issue.
How else does this happen to you in your life? OR…. are you the one who tries to have others own your stuff? Have you mastered this already and have your own wisdom to share?
It is okay to say NO!!!!! What you will find is that the more you say NO to the things that God is not intending for you in this season, the more time you will have to say YES to fill spaces and gaps where HE uniquely designed you to be!
NOW THAT IS FREEDOM!!!!!
____________________
Let’s pray:
Lord, please show us today the areas in our life that we so desperately need YOUR discernment!!! Help free us of our selves and see each situation how You want us to see it and not take on more than You want us to take on… one season at a time! Help us to continue to be more comfortable and confident in our own shoes so that we will not be tempted to take on things that are not ours to carry or own. I thank you in advance for all you will do in our hearts, minds and spirits this week, Father, and may You get all the glory! In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen!!! <3
Your Assignment:
As you think about those things you want to do but can never seem to make time for, remember the biblical appeal that says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) How could this deliberate act of trust and perspective free you to invest yourself more joyfully in TODAY? Please share your answer with me below….
After you have completed this assignment here, go back to your Facebook Online Bible Study Group, and see what fun activity we have for you there! You never now what we will come up with!! If you do not belong to an Online Bible Study Group, and would like to, please email us at GirlfriendsCoffeeHour@gmail.com, and we will be happy to add you!
Be a blessing,
Megan 🙂
…Don’t forget about the Men’s Journey over here:
The Resolution for Women- Week 5: Timing is Everything
July 31, 2012 by
About Megan SmidtMegan Smidt – Co-Founder of Girlfriends Coffee Hour
Megan and her husband Craig live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, along with their 5 children ranging in age from 21 years old to 14. Megan is a Certified Christian Life Coach specializing in Relationship Coaching and more specifically, Blended Family Relationships. She also works part-time as Personal Assistant to Christian Musician Yancy. She loves to travel and spend time with family and friends. She enjoys reading, music, movies, photography, paper crafting, sewing and roller skating.
oh boy! you and priscilla hit it squarely on the head, megan—"how could this deliberate act of TRUST and perspective free you to invest yourself more joyfully in today?"
it IS all about trust! trusting the One Who created the heavens and the earth, Who hung every star and planet, Who formed and made these incredibly intricate & diverse bodies of ours…trusting that His plan&purpose for this season of my life is perfect…that "Father knows best." and so, i have freedom and confidence to say 'no, not today!' to those things that pull me away from my current priorities and responsibilities. whew! thanking my Father God for being sooooooooooooo trustworthy! <3
Absolutely, Coleen!!!!! We all fall into the trap of putting human qualities on our Lord! He IS so trustworthy and will never fail us like people can!!! Bless you for letting Him take the lead! 🙂
Oh Megan you got me this morning on "owning" people's problems. I am a very compassionate person and that great strength that I have in this area also becomes one of my greatest weaknesses because I take on other peoples stuff as my own. My husband constantly reminds me of this. I have to really be honest that this is probably one of my biggest strongholds as I'll call it and I'm really working on trying to let the things that are not mine to own go. Today's blog and chapter has been another eye opener (conviction so to speak) for me.
Standing in prayer with you, my dear friend, for God to clearly show you the area He needs you to guard and protect so that His purposes for you can be fulfilled! We want to be careful not to steal the blessings of others or let them learn the lessons God has designed for them <3
Megan thank you for blog. For many years when my kids had projects and needed items at last minute, I would run out to get them. I took on their stuff instead of letting them face consequences. Now that I homeschool I give them the choices like you gave your son Tim. There is so much freedom in doing it that way. I'm trusting the Lord's guidance in raising/teaching my kids.
Merol, this is one of the greatest gifts I know we have given our kids and I see it helping them so muc hnow that most of them are adults!!! As much as it hurt, we let them feel consequences….. and they even got the good consequences too!!!! I feel we prepared them for real life and I was able to keep my sanity a little bit and not feel used or resentful for caving into their "emergencies". With 5 kids so close in age, that would have sent me off the deep end for sure!!!
I have "single mom" daughters. One by choice, the other by circumstances. My husband and I have purposed to help them, but there are times we feel so USED. We have not taken a vacation with just the two of us since the grand kids were born because it would inconvenience them.
Then we took on a friend of my sons, who had just split up with her boyfriend and she had two kids. This young lady has used me since last October and I allowed it because I felt she needed the help and it was the Christian thing to do.
Next month my husband and I are going away for a week. These girls need to figure it out and as for the other young lady, I am planning on not watching her children when school starts as I feel that she had plenty of family help. (She lied about that too) There was an agreement that she would pay me to watch her children when she got a job, she got pregnant instead, so I think I will be letting her know that she will have to use her own family as I have things that need to be done, like my two businesses that I have neglected so I could help these girls.
I am finally saying no! It is not my responsibility.
Jackie… boundaries are so important for you and the person you have them with!!! I am praying for God to guide you in these situations. I am so proud of you for setting these healthy boundaries and I know God will bless this time with your hubby <3
Oh, sweet Megan … I LOVE the example you give with the poster board! With the kids heading to 7th, 8th, and 11th grade in just 2 weeks, you give wonderful ideas that I can use! Love reading your posts <3
Feel free to use it!!!!! I have more of those in my back pocket if you ever need them!!! <3
Thanks. Great truths. I also struggled with being "mom the superhero". My kids would forget books and lunches and I would eu out to school at a drop of a hat to the "rescue". And then it got "old". I started letting them face some consequences. I have to admit that I'm not 100% there yet but I'm getting better and better at saying "uh No!". Used to make me feel like a bad mom. Now I feel free, they are young women now and someday they will have to make the same choice I'm making to let their kids "grow up".
I am reading the book Boundaries and it's so funny how God orchestrated this. I've been wanting to read the book for a while and didn't get to it. I start reading it and the resolution goes into the same topic. Such confirmation. Cannot stress enough how much I am enjoying this study. Look forward to it every day. Thanks for your great insight. :0)
Boundaries is a GREAT book! Sounds like you are headed in the right direction for sure. We have raised our kids with consequences and now that 3 of them are adults and in the "real world" they have told us they appreciate it!
I truly need to learn this word "NO". I know that I can't do everything….and I need to be sure I am seeking God for Him to guide me in when and what He wants me doing, then those things could be great instead of just OK because I would be devoting more time to those things that are God instructed and not just me saying yes to everyone and everything….also if I say yes to everything then I am not allowing God the opportunity to use someone that He had planned to do that task, it's like I am yanking that blessing right out from under them….oh my that just hit me….and I certaintly don't want to do that….Thanks Megan for helping me see a revelation today that I need to change.
I love this. I've become very good at using the word, "No." Even so, it still pulls at me, and I sometimes feel guilty about it… but I shouldn't! My daycare business for example… I was told Monday night that one of my kiddos wouldn't be at daycare tomorrow (after going back & forth about whether he was coming.) He was the only one scheduled for that day because of another family taking vacation. His dad texted me this morning asking if he could come anyway, even though he said he wouldn't be here until Thursday. Well guess who has the day off tomorrow now? ME! Yep, God blessed me with a day off. I run a daycare. I NEVER get the day off without a LOT of pre-planning! This is awesome! My girls have also learned that if they want us to take them somewhere, they are to let us know the day before. No more last minute trips to the store. No more changing family plans because they want to go somewhere. "No" is not always a negative word, and boundaries are indeed a blessing!
YES!!! We have a 48 hour rule in our house and it has helped so much! All the kids know that if they ask to do something, they need to give us 48 hours notice or it is an automatic "No." It has taught them to plan ahead and with a family of 7, it saves me!!!! We can see a big picture that most kids are incapable of seeing. Now, if they have been doing great with it and a last-minute thing comes up and it doesn't take a whole lot for me know know whether it will fit in our schedule or not, I do my best to say YES!!! 🙂
There are many times in the past where u have helped people and got burned. I do distant myself from a lot of situations so I don't put myself there again. I love to help people I just have to discern who to help and who is willing to help themself so they can receive the help I'm giving them.
The most important thing Michelle is to give with a joyful heart, and don't expect anything in return. The Lord will bless your heart, and your efforts.
I am hearing the Lord say loud and clear that I need to make time to evaluate my priorities. I talk to my 17 and 19 year old about this all the time. It is no wonder that they too struggle with this as I model for them how to live a crazy-chaotic-chicken-with-her-head-cut-off Mom! I LOVE when God is sooooo audible! I will let you know how it goes.
We would love to hear an update Judy! We'll be praying that God will show you what your true priorities are! 🙂
When my kids were younger, we had that 48 hour rule too. That boundary in itself was extremely helpful in scheduling activities for 3 children and 3 stepchildren that came for weekend visits. As I get older though, I'm finding it more difficult to say "No" without guilt. I work part time at my church and to be honest, working part time takes alot of energy! On the other hand, I feel as though I should/could be helping others.
Another dear pastor's wife told me a long time ago, "If you can't serve God with joy in your heart, then don't do that task, serve in that ministry, etc". So I use that as my ruler. I do what I can when I can; but sometimes, I just have to say "no"! I am slowly learning not to feel guilty – thanks to my pastor who by his example and discussions with him, has taught me alot in that regard.
I love that you are working so diligently at this in eating and keeping your boundaries! That is good for you and the people you interact with! Keep standing strong! The48 hour rule always gives me time to digest what they are asking and to take time to see the big picture. Another favorite of mine is "I'll have to get back to you on that."
🙂