{"id":8663,"date":"2013-01-31T00:01:13","date_gmt":"2013-01-31T05:01:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/girlfriendscoffeehour.com\/?p=8663"},"modified":"2013-01-30T19:27:37","modified_gmt":"2013-01-31T00:27:37","slug":"lifes-healing-choices-chapter-4-make-the-choice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/girlfriendscoffeehour.com\/wordpress\/2013\/01\/31\/lifes-healing-choices-chapter-4-make-the-choice\/","title":{"rendered":"Life’s Healing Choices: Chapter 4 – Make The Choice"},"content":{"rendered":"

MAKE THE CHOICE<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Search<\/a>Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.\u00a0 Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life (Psalm 139:23, 24).<\/p>\n

This week\u2019s activities will bring memories to the surface that may have been ignored (or forgotten) for years.\u00a0 But Jesus promised that the truth will set us free (John 8:32 NLT). So without further delay, let’s get started!<\/p>\n

PRAY \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Lord, it is so difficult to look within and admit our hurts.\u00a0 We guard our hearts and deny the pain because it just hurts too much.\u00a0 Look within us and guide us through this week\u2019s activity.\u00a0 Help us be honest with ourselves about the pains we\u2019re hiding, the effects others have had on our lives, and even what we\u2019ve done to others.\u00a0 Our heart\u2019s desire is to be healthy, to shed the negative emotions that hold us back.\u00a0 We know that the only way to truly be free is to face our fears and find strength in You.\u00a0 Give us the strength to discuss with our trusted friends.\u00a0 Thank you for loving us through it all, no matter what.\u00a0 Amen.<\/p>\n

WRITE \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n

John Baker outlines on page 116 steps to working through our past hurts through a personal inventory.\u00a0 You will need several sheets of paper to complete the inventory.\u00a0 Because of the detailed instructions Baker provides, I will be using his descriptions for this step.<\/p>\n

Using a piece of paper, create 5 columns and label at the top: The Person, The Cause, The Effect, The Damage, and My Part.<\/p>\n

The Person<\/em> \u2013 List the person or object you resent or fear.\u00a0 Go back as far as you can.\u00a0 Remember that resentment is mostly unexpressed anger, hurt or fear.<\/p>\n

The Cause<\/em> \u2013 It has been said that ‘hurt people hurt people.’\u00a0 List specific actions someone did to hurt you.<\/p>\n

The Effect<\/em> \u2013 Write down how that specific hurtful action affected your life in the past and in the present.<\/p>\n

The Damage<\/em> \u2013 Write down which of your basic needs were injured.\u00a0 Social: Have you suffered from broken relationships, slander, or gossip?\u00a0 Security: Has your physical safety been threatened? Have you faced financial loss?\u00a0 Sexual: Have you been a victim in abusive relationships?\u00a0 Has intimacy or trust been damaged or broken?<\/p>\n

My Part<\/em> \u2013 You need to honestly determine and write down the part of the resentment (or another sin or injury) that you are responsible for.\u00a0 Ask God to show you your part in a broken or damaged marriage or relationship, a distant child or parent, or maybe a job loss.\u00a0 List the people you have hurt and how you specifically hurt them.<\/p>\n

In 1973, I was a free-spirited 4 year old who didn\u2019t have a care in the world.\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember much about this time, except for one thing—returning home with my mom, from a visit to my grandparents, to find our home empty.\u00a0 I remember my mom going from room to room, and the confusion I felt as she looked through everything.\u00a0 My dad had left.\u00a0 Packed his things, and just left.\u00a0 No word, no comment, no goodbye.<\/p>\n

On my birthday in 1979, I was getting ready for a sleep over with a couple girlfriends when the phone rang.\u00a0 My step-dad yelled up for me, \u201cAmy, your dad\u2019s on the phone.\u201d\u00a0 What?\u00a0 What did he mean, \u201cMy dad\u2019s on the phone?\u201d\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t heard from my dad in 6 years.\u00a0 I went to the kitchen to see my mom crying—the only time I\u2019d seen her cry up to this point was because of my dad.\u00a0 I picked up the phone, and heard the voice.\u00a0 Yes, it was my dad.\u00a0 I was shell-shocked, quiet, and I\u2019m sure I must have been confused and angry, too.<\/p>\n

I never realized the impact these events would have on my life until I was in my mid-30s.\u00a0 I had superficial friendships, a desire to know-everything-and-be-perfect, and was facing my first significant depression.\u00a0 I learned how guarded I was with my heart, because I was convinced that if my dad could leave me, certainly others (less vested in my life) would leave me too.\u00a0 But if I proved to be invaluable with my knowledge, my skills, my talents\u2026people would HAVE to keep me around!\u00a0 I was miserable.\u00a0 I was doing everything to please other people, to make them like me, and I ended up not liking myself.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em> Through this process, I had relationships that didn\u2019t work (I ended them before they could so I would have control).\u00a0 I doubted God\u2019s true feelings for me (sure, He says He loves me but so did my dad).\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

There\u2019s so much more I could say on how this affected my life, but that\u2019s not the real story.\u00a0 Having the ability to put aside the hurt and realize that it wasn\u2019t about me. \u00a0My dad didn\u2019t leave because of me, and nothing I could have done at the age of 4 would have changed his heart or his mind.\u00a0 He has his own hurts to deal with and I can\u2019t do it for him.\u00a0 What I can do is forgive him and move forward.\u00a0 But I also need to release my misplaced guilt and shame \u2026 and truly embrace the truth, \u201cIt wasn\u2019t about me.\u201d<\/p>\n

God blessed my life with an amazing man in 1976, my stepdad who was, for all intents & purposes, my \u201cdad\u201d for 27 years.\u00a0 I walked beside him when I got married.\u00a0 He cradled my daughter as a newborn.\u00a0 I held his hand in his last days, and heard him whisper \u201cthank you\u201d (the last words he spoke to me).\u00a0 The day that he passed into God\u2019s glory, my father called me to give his condolences, and added, \u201cI couldn\u2019t have picked a better man to raise you.\u201d\u00a0 To this day, there is so much power in that phrase that I cannot even begin to express.<\/p>\n

Just as those words from my father bring a peace to my heart, I can trust God, The Father, when He says He will never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:46).\u00a0 I can trust that I am God\u2019s child (John 1:12), I am complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10), I am free forever from condemnation (Romans 8:1-2), I am God\u2019s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10), and so many more of the promises found in His Word.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

SHARE \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n

Take time with your trusted friend to go through what you wrote in your inventory.\u00a0 The lists you created are no one\u2019s business but yours, God\u2019s and the person with whom you choose to share it with.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

_____________________________<\/p>\n

Power Verses:<\/strong>
\n1 Peter 5:10 NCV
\nPsalm 139:23, 24
\nJohn 8:32
\nHebrews 13:46
\nJohn 1:12
\nColossians 2:10
\nRomans 8:1, 2
\nEphesians 2:10<\/i><\/p>\n

Lord, thank You for being a loving and personal God who allows us to come to Him with our hurts.\u00a0 You have adopted us as Your own children.\u00a0 We know that nothing we experience is unknown to You.\u00a0 Everything has passed through Your hands before we see it.\u00a0 Help us work through our hurts in an open and honest way, to uncover those emotions & events we\u2019ve been trying to hide for so long.\u00a0 Jesus said that we will know the truth, and the truth will set us free.\u00a0 We cling to this hope and ask for Your truth to shine upon us.\u00a0 Thank you, Lord, for loving us as only a good Father can.\u00a0 Amen.<\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0_____________________________<\/i><\/p>\n

If you are interested in joining us for the amazing online Bible study, and would like to join our private Facebook Discussion Group, click HERE<\/a> to sign up. \u00a0Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details.<\/p>\n

If you would like to send Amy a private email in regards to this blog, please email her at: Amy@girlfriendscoffeehour.com<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

MAKE THE CHOICE Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.\u00a0 Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life (Psalm 139:23, 24). This week\u2019s activities will bring memories to the surface that may have been ignored (or forgotten) for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":31,"featured_media":8685,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[22],"tags":[1563,147,238,341,365,416,425,1589,1590,1587,570,608,723,724,1586,1588,1135],"class_list":["post-8663","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-victorious-healing","tag-1-peter-510","tag-bible-study","tag-colossians-210","tag-ephesians-210","tag-faith","tag-gchvictorious-healing","tag-girlfriends-coffee-hour","tag-hebrews-134-6","tag-john-12","tag-john-832","tag-john-baker","tag-lifes-healing-choices","tag-online-bible-studies","tag-online-bible-study","tag-psalm-139","tag-romans-81-2","tag-womens-bible-studies","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/girlfriendscoffeehour.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/01\/Search-us.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p39pHp-2fJ","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/girlfriendscoffeehour.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8663","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/girlfriendscoffeehour.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/girlfriendscoffeehour.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/girlfriendscoffeehour.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/31"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/girlfriendscoffeehour.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8663"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/girlfriendscoffeehour.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8663\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8687,"href":"https:\/\/girlfriendscoffeehour.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8663\/revisions\/8687"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/girlfriendscoffeehour.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8685"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/girlfriendscoffeehour.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8663"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/girlfriendscoffeehour.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8663"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/girlfriendscoffeehour.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8663"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}