June 22, 2017

About Megan Smidt

Megan Smidt – Co-Founder of Girlfriends Coffee Hour
Megan and her husband Craig live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, along with their 5 children ranging in age from 21 years old to 14. Megan is a Certified Christian Life Coach specializing in Relationship Coaching and more specifically, Blended Family Relationships. She also works part-time as Personal Assistant to Christian Musician Yancy. She loves to travel and spend time with family and friends. She enjoys reading, music, movies, photography, paper crafting, sewing and roller skating.

Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: Manipulation

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Coach Megan,

What makes someone forget EVERYTHING you have ever done for them in their life when you are not able to do the one thing they are asking for now? Thanks for any guidance you can give. ~CW

Dear CW,

Manipulators tend to be very skillful strategists. They map out their art subtly steering and controlling people or circumstances by using indirect, unfair, or deceptive tactics. People-pleasing is at the root of being manipulated. Those who are manipulated allow others the control God alone should have. Exodus 20:3 says, “You shall have no other Gods before me.”

Manipulators control others by aggressive manipulation or passive-aggressive manipulation. What I hear in your question is that you are wondering why someone would manipulate someone else. This is not a complete list, by any means, but I believe this will give us a place to start…

Manipulators tend to:

  • Make others feel guilty
  • Get others to believe what they want them to believe
  • Keep others “hooked” into a relationship…even when the relationship is unhealthy and one-sided
  • Avoid meeting their obligations and responsibilities
  • Appear positive when they feel negative toward others
  • Set up “fixers,” “caretakers,” and “rescuers” to take care of them
  • Intentionally confuse others
  • Get others to do for them what they would not normally choose to do
  • Get others to feel responsible for them or for their welfare
  • Control the emotions and reasoning of others
  • Use religious words for personal gain, causing harm to another’s walk with God
  • Win the battle for control

Proverbs 26:24 describes the manipulator:

A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit.

At the root of people allowing themselves to be manipulated is the belief that they must have the approval of others in order to feel good about themselves. What God calls us to is to NOT live for the approval of others, but to realize that God will meet all of our inner needs because he accepts us totally and loves us unconditionally!

Jeremiah 17:5

 This is what the Lord says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man,  who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord.”

CW…It looks like you have done a lot of work within to stop yourself from being manipulated. For the benefit of our readers (and for your benefit if someone tries to manipulate you again), here are some steps to help stop being a victim of manipulation:

Decide not to be dependent on the manipulator {Philippians 4:19}

  • You must decide that you have an unhealthy, dependent relationship and confess that to God. Decide that you only want  healthy relationships that glorify God. Decide that you will be dependent on the Lord to satisfy your deepest needs. 

Expect Exasperation {Psalm 31:3-4}

  •  Do not expect your manipulator to understand or agree with your decisions, acknowledge being manipulative, or be willing to give up control to set you free.

Prepare yourself for pain {Job 3:26}

  • Accept change as being painful… however in time, you WILL have peace.  Also, accept the fact that if you don’t change, you will stay in pain and peace will elude you.

Examine the methods of the manipulator {Proverbs 22:3}

  • Ask God to open your eyes to ways that you have been manipulated. Also, ask yourself, “How am I being manipulated?” and then write out your tactics for change. You can also ask a trusted friend to help you see blind spots and develop a plan of action.

Notify the manipulator of the necessity for change {Hebrews 12:1}

  • Admit that you have been wrong. It can sound like this: “I’ve come to realize that I am wrong in the way that I relate to you. At times, I don’t speak up because I am afraid. This is not healthy for either of us.”
  • You need to also give your commitment to them which can sound like this: “I really do care about you. I want you to know that I am committed to change and I believe that we can ultimately have a much better relationship.”
  • State your resolve to them if it is not appropriate to continue the relationship: “We cannot continue in a relationship as it is and still be the people we need to be before God.”

Don’t defend yourself {Ecclesiastes 3:7}

  • Even if you are accused of being unkind and unloving, you can choose to:
  1. Be silent, but do not use silence as a weapon.
  2. State the truth only once or twice: “I’m sorry you feel that way.” ” What you’ve said is not true.” “It does not reflect my heart.”
  3. You can say “I understand that you think I am being heartless, but my intent is to become healthy.”

Expect the manipulator to try new strategies {Proverbs 14:24}

  • They may resort to using other methods to regain control
  • They need to know you are aware of these new methods
  • They need to see that the new methods will not succeed

Nullify your need to meet all of the manipulator’s needs {Psalm 37:4-5}

  • Realize that God didn’t design anyone to meet all the needs of another person
  • If you meet all of the manipulator’s needs, then the manipulator will not need the Lord
  • You need to redirect the manipulator’s focus to the Lord as the only true need-meeter

Commit Galatians 1:10 to memory

  • Realize that you are “transformed by the renewing of your mind”
  • Recognize that you are given the mind of Christ to direct your thoughts

Yield to pleasing the Lord first {Psalm 27:1}

  • You must not be a peace-at-any-price person
  • Jesus was not a peace-at-any-price person
  • Keep your trust in God and fear no one

We need to give people the space to be upset and grow through their disappointment.  When we don’t, the danger is in people looking to another person to be God and be everything to them when that is the exact opposite of God’s design. We need to give God the space He needs to move and that is possible when we create and keep boundaries firm and stand on God’s Word.

Blessings,

Coach Megan 🙂 

Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: How to Stay Motivated

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Dear Megan,

How do I stay motivated? To reach goals? I try to lose weight and exercise but I keep losing my ambition. I also am struggling in doing my bible studies.

Thank you.

~D

Oh, my dear…what a perfect question to start off this blog with! This is something almost every single person who comes to me for coaching needs help with, and it is certainly so important in every aspect of our lives! Here are a few ways you can endure success in staying motivated in areas you know God has called you to have focus on. 

1. Accountability

Share your new goal or endeavor with the people closest to you so that they can ask you how it is going and hold you accountable to getting it done. Use discernment about who to share with.  When you share what you are endeavoring to do with someone you trust, you are more likely to stick it out just from knowing that they know and will ask you about it! If you can enlist someone to go on this adventure WITH you, that is even better!

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

Colossians 3:16

2. Surround yourself with cheerleaders!

This is so important! When you make the commitment to do something new whether it is a new weight loss challenge or start a daily quiet time with the Lord, it becomes so much harder to do if you are surrounded by people who don’t believe you can do it or do what they can to discourage you. Even if your closest circle is full of Negative Nancy’s, that’s okay! Make sure you are keeping in frequent contact with the positive people God has so intentionally placed in your life!

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

3. Know you are not in this alone

You are not created to do ANYTHING in your own power. You know that, right? God is with you and wants to walk this out with you every step of the way! Please do not try to do anything alone. <3

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed,

for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

4. Create margin in your day

Are you too busy? That is a big big way we all get unmotivated. If you are going to take on something that will take an hour of your time a day, make sure you make room for that to physically be able to happen. God does not intend for our lives to be so stretched that we don’t even have time for Him! Take some time to really look closely at how you are spending your time and see where you might be able to delegate tasks or delete time-wasters!

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,

that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2

5. Just do it

Sometimes, it just comes down to those three words…. JUST DO IT! If you know that God has called you to it then He will equip you with all you need to get it done… you need only get out of the way! It really is that simple sometimes, and sometimes the only answer is to JUST DO IT!!!

As long as you are going to do it, you might as well do it right. Right? As long as you are going to show up for work, you might as well do your best on the job. As long as you are going  to raise a family, you might as well make it a happy, well-adjusted one. As long as you are going to have a life, you might as well live a life of excellence and live it with intention!

And if you throw yourself wholeheartedly into everything you do, with a total commitment to excellence, there are no limits to what you can accomplish. It is time to get up and give God 100% no matter what gets thrown your way! Satan would love nothing more than for you to stay right where you are and never move forward toward the life that God has intended for you…. Will you let him win or are you going to do your due diligence and just make it happen?

With God on your side….you’ve got this! 🙂

Blessings,

Megan Smidt, CCLC

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If you are interested in contacting Megan about personal coaching, please go to:  www.megansmidt.com

 

Crazy Love: Our Final Week – “Is This What I Want to Be Doing When Christ Comes Back?”

What Will YOU Be Doing

 

My dear friends,

I believe with my whole heart that we are living in the end times. You might agree with me, you might not….  Really, that is not the issue.  I believe it, and I vow to live each day as if I will meet Jesus.

I live intentionally.

I live with purpose.

I live on-purpose.

I believe that revival is coming and that it will begin with our youth; God showed me this and it has been confirmed for me three times. I like to be where God is moving and shaking, what about you?

I will do my part intentionally.

I will encourage with purpose.

I will do my part on-purpose.

God has shown me through this book what I need to do next, and that is to have my own mutiny against excess in my life. I will be starting this journey March 25th and you will be able to follow along with me here:

www.megansmidt.com

This is essentially a 7 month fast and it will not be easy by any means. I know, I know…. It sounds “extreme.”  I hear that a lot.  I think it sounds necessary.  I am being obedient and I pray it stirs something new in me like never before.  I am believing God for great things through this experience.

I will be obedient intentionally.

I will be obedient with purpose.

I will let God mold me on-purpose.

THIS is what I want to be doing when God comes back.

I want to be doing exactly what God asks me to…no matter how crazy it sounds to this world.

I pray that Crazy Love has forever changed you and began a revival with you that will only gain more momentum. I am believing this over you and I am praying for you with my whole heart.

Let’s pray:

Dear Lord, thank You for Your Word and Your Promises. Give us all the fortitude and strength to stand intentionally for Your Kingdom in our everyday lives. We can’t wait for Your return, and we vow to live our best life for Your glory until that day arrives. We have repented of all our ways that are not pleasing to You, and we mark today as the beginning of a new life.  May You get all the glory, Lord!  In Your Son’s matchless name we pray, amen <3

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GWS

Our next Women’s Online Bible/Book study will begin March 24th!

We hope you will join us!

To sign up for this amazing study, click on the picture above and complete the registration form.  

Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details.

Crazy Love: Chapter 9 Weekly Review – “Who Really Lives that Way?”

WOW!!!! Week 9 of this study has come to a close, and it was a good one.

On Monday, you and I met Nathan Barlow, Simpson Rebbavarapu and Jamie Lang. I also asked you to be a little introspective on Monday and begin to write your story as we learned about these incredible lives for Christ! Then, on Tuesday, Martha introduced us to Marva J. Dawn, Rich Mullins, Rings, and Rachael Saint…as well as a few souls who have impacted her life personally. Jennifer talked about transformer toys on Wednesday and asked us to look at the lives that God has so divinely placed around us and see how we can best impact them for His glory. On Thursday, Donna introduced us to a few more of Chan’s friends and his church as we looked at more lives who are living out God’s will in this earth.

Please take a few minutes to watch this brief video from Francis Chan about this chapter. We only have one more chapter left after this week…let’s finish strong!

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Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord, we thank You for all of the wonderful examples of lives furthering Your Kingdom on our earth. Use them to stir a deep passion within us to follow in their footsteps in our own unique way as only we can. Bind up any fear or insecurity that might be holding us back and give us Your supernatural strength to be our best for Your glory! We thank You for Your mighty provision, Father! Help us strengthen each other and propel each other forward as me take this bold step for Your Kingdom!  In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen. <3

 

Your Assignment:

Who do you look up to? Name some people you look up to as Christians. Then, think about your own life; what type of legacy will you leave behind?  What will you be known for? What do you believe God created you to do on this earth?

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GWS

Our Next Women’s Online Bible Study

Begins March 24th!

CLICK ON THE PICTURE ABOVE TO SIGN UP TODAY!

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If you would like to email a private message to Megan in regards to this blog, please email her at: megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.

Crazy Love: Chapter 9 – “Who Really Lives That Way?” (pp 149-153)

Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.

~ 1 Corinthians 11:1

I have attempted 3 times to write this blog post to no avail and then BAM…in my quiet time this morning God showed me why.

YOU were meant to write this blog post, not me, dear sisters!  In today’s reading, Chan gave us 3 stunning examples of people on this earth who truly embody this life that God commands us to live—crazy in love and obsessed with Him. It’s not just about adoration, my friends, it’s about walking your love out in your life in every way possible…no matter what the costs.

We met Nathan Barlow, Simpson Rebbavarapu and Jamie Lang today. The rest of this week, you will continue to meet others like them. I pray they all have a huge impact on YOUR story!

How will you write today’s blog post? Well, I think it’s safe to say that most of us are not yet living up to the character God intends us to have to land ourselves as one of the names in this chapter. Please do not let that discourage you! What I would like you to do TODAY is to write out YOU as one of these people…. Write out your future, changed to be living out this divine life God intends. Write your story how it WILL be. CLAIM it here today with all of us as witness!!!! May God get all the glory!

Revelation 3:1, 2

…you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead.  Wake up!

Strengthen what remains and is about to die,

for I have found your deeds unfinished in the sight of my God.

Yet you have a few people in Sardis who have not soiled their clothes.

They will walk with me, dressed in white,for they are worthy.

The one who is victorious will, like them, be dressed in white.

I will never blot out the name of that person from the book of life,

but will acknowledge that name before my Father and his angels.

This is my song for us today:

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Let’s Pray:

God, give us strength and courage to go against this world and live the life YOU have so divinely created us for.  Speak into our spirits today as we write our story of who we are to be—how we are going to take our crazy, obsessed love for You and walk that out in our lives to further Your Kingdom. Thank You for this provision, Father.  Help us to hold each other accountable and spur each other on to be our very best. May You get all the glory! Amen <3

Your Assignment:

Write  YOUR story today. If you feel led, post it as a comment below. If not, keep it in your Bible and pray over it daily. Claim this victory for God’s Kingdom as you begin to walk this new, narrow path for Him.

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If you would like to email a private message to Megan in regards to this blog, please email her at: megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com

Crazy Love: Chapter 8 Review – “Profile of the Obsessed”

My friends…. Week 8 is coming to a close, and this chapter has been necessary to complete our Crazy Love journey. This chapter was all about what it looks like to really be obsessed with God.

On Monday, you and I discussed being a lover and a risk taker in our faith. Martha had a wonderful blog post for us on Tuesday where she explored with us about being friends of all, crazy ones, and being the humble. On Wednesday, Jennifer had us consider ourselves as servers, givers, sojourners, and the engrossed. On Thursday, Donna shared with us about being unguarded ones, the rooted, the dedicated, and ones who sacrifice for God.

We were all forced to take a hard look at ourselves and see our lives through God-lenses as to how we are truly living out our faith and what it shows our culture about our Crazy Love for Jesus. What is your profile? Are you lukewarm…or are you OBSESSED?

Please take a few minutes and watch this video from Francis Chan:

http://youtu.be/VidzmquOi60

Since when does our culture dictate what we do and don’t do?

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Your Assignment:

It’s time to ask yourself “Why not?” What makes it so that we can/cannot live today the way they did in the early church…obsessed with God? Why wouldn’t we do this?

To live out biblical christianity in the biblical church is a very difficult thing. How is this an issue of trust?

How badly do you want this mission and are you going to live this way? Are you ready to make this commitment?

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Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord, I pray that You break our hearts in this area and I know it much break Yours. As we seek You today, help us see what You want us to see in how we are letting the world get in the way with living obsessed with You. Show us step by step what You need from us in this area and give us a boldness to live freely crazy in love with You with all of our actions and interactions. We love You and thank You for all You will work within us. Thank You for the message of this chapter and may it forever change us. Amen <3 

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If you would like to email a private message to Megan in regards to this blog, please email her at: megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com

Crazy Love: Chapter 8 – “Profile of the Obsessed” Lovers – Risk Takers (pp 129-133/ Kindle LOC 1673-1724)

obsessedwithjesus

Does this describe you? Are you a LOVER?

Now…when God prompts me to give, I give freely, I really do. But how open am I to giving without prompting?

This reminds me of a time in my life when God prompted me to do a very kind, loving, and selfless act to someone who I held much unforgiveness in my heart for. This person had hurt my family and my children for a long time.  But when God prompted me to extend kindness to them, I knew it was the right thing to do; but I also knew I would be unable to do it without His help and guidance.

Have you ever been in this position? How did it turn out for you? For me, I completely gave the situation over to God, and He totally showed off in every way! It did not turn out how I ever imagined it would, but He certainly knew exactly what He was doing, and it was 100% the right thing to do. He is so good!

However, I know I would not have come up with doing this on my own. I had shown this person kindness in the past in other ways, but in ways that were far less extraordinary and disruptive to my life. Reading this part of the chapter really made me stop and think about how foolish this is if I am truly living with a Crazy Love for our Heavenly Father.

“People who are obsessed with Jesus aren’t consumed with their personal safety and comfort above all else. Obsessed people care more about God’s kingdom coming to this earth than their own lives being shielded from pain or distress.”

Are you a RISK TAKER? I know I have been known to pray before trips for God to protect my family and keep us safe. But is that the best prayer? Chan suggests in this section that what we ought to be praying something more like this: “God, bring me closer to You during this trip, whatever it takes….”

Would that be hard for you to pray? I must admit, I love it.

It is what my heart believes…truly, it is. Whatever it takes, in whatever I do, I want to become a more fully devoted follower of Jesus Christ and become closer to Him…. Safety would be nice to have, but really, that is not necessary if it is not God’s will. What is there to be afraid of, really?  If we truly trust God to provide and we trust His perfect plan and provision for our lives, then this prayer certainly is most appropriate.

Blessings,

Megan 🙂

Let’s Pray:

God, we want to be obsessed with You in every way. We want every person who interacts with us to not just think we are “nice” but that we are crazy and madly in love with YOU!!! Help us be rid of any mistrust or unbelief we might be carrying and become more fully passionate and devoted to You. We love You, Lord, and we thank You for opening our eyes and hearts to Your Truth! In Jesus’ mighty name we pray, Amen.  <3

Your Assignment:

What aspects about your faith need to change in order for you to be a lover and risk taker as you strive to be fully obsessed with loving our God? Please share with us below 🙂

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If you would like to email a private message to Megan in regards to this blog, please email her at: megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com

Crazy Love: Chapter 7 Weekly Review – “You’re Best Life… Later”

Week 7 was probably not as in-your-face or convicting as the other past few weeks have been, but I do hope that you have finished the chapter feeling challenged to be more open to the fullness of what God promises to you in the Word as well as be more willing to submit all you have and all you are to Him.

On Monday, you and I talked about how we tend to “play it safe” with the situations and circumstances we are in. We were nudged to boldly get out of our comfort zones to live more passionately to please God in all we are and do. Martha asked us to explore with her on Tuesday about how our lives might change if we actually thought of each person we came into contact with as Christ. OUCH…. that slap was certainly needed. Then, on Wednesday Jennifer shared with us about trusting God to give faithfully. On Thursday, Donna explored with us about having the kind of faith in God that completely stretches us into situations that are totally uncomfortable if God does not come through.

At this point, I would love for you to watch this video of Chan with me…

http://youtu.be/dsTnQv-qexE

Chan challenges us to think about riches in a new light.  If we really believe in eternity and we really believe that there are eternal rewards that we can gain, then it’s not so much that it is sinful for us to buy these things but it would be silly because we are talking about eternal rewards. We are not here to judge or feel condemned for what we have…but I do think it is worth our time to devote ourselves to some thought and prayer here about our life on earth versus what the richness of our eternal life will be!

Blessings,

Megan 🙂

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Let’s Pray:

God, I ask that You help us search our hearts when it comes to things of this world and convict us of any ways that we might be storing up our riches on earth and not giving enough to our brothers and sisters. Show us the kind of stewards YOU need us to be to further Your Kingdom and help us to not be of this world, but be focused on our eternal life with You! Amen! <3

Your Assignment:

Rather than talking about the sinfulness of owning and buying things, let’s talk about the silliness of the things that we own in light of our eternal rewards. Please leave me a comment about this below….

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If you would like to email a private message to Megan in regards to this blog, please email her at: megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com

Crazy Love: Chapter 7 – Your Best Life…Later (pp 113-116)

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“Christians today like to play it safe. We want to put ourselves in situations where we are safe ‘even if there is no God.’ But if we truly desire to please God, we cannot live that way. We have to do things that cost us during our life on earth but will be more than worth it in eternity.” ~page 116

There are countless examples throughout Scripture of people just like you and me who followed God with their whole hearts…faults and all. When we read about people in the Bible such as Abraham, Paul, Daniel, and Elijah it’s so easy to lose sight of the fact that their God THEN is the exact same as our merciful God NOW!

God answered BIG prayers back then and He is the same God that answers BIG prayers from us NOW…we only need to trust Him with our prayers and with our very best life. Have you ever thought about this before? We limit ourselves and God when we do not dare to give up our life to Him and BOLDLY live our life by faith in what He will do with it!

Blessings,

Megan 🙂

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Let’s Pray:

God, we come to You humbled and with repentant hearts if there has been any way that we have been steering clear of situations or circumstances that might make us uncomfortable for Your glory. Please forgive us, Father, and show us today how to make it right and to be bold enough to live in such a way where we are not afraid to do things that cost us in this world. Thank You, Lord, for showing us grace and for guiding us closer to You through this. In Your Son’s matchless name we pray, Amen. <3

Your Assignment:

How are you “playing it safe” in your life right now? Pray for God to show you where and how He needs you to kick your life up a notch and not be complacent to “play it safe” for Him any longer. Leave me a comment about this below.

 

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If you would like to email a private message to Megan in regards to this blog, please email her at: megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com

Crazy Love: Chapter 6 – When You’re in Love Weekly Review

It is so hard to believe that we only have 4 more weeks left of this study! Oh, what a journey it has been and this week really forced us to take a deep look at our relationship with Our Lord and Savior.

On Monday, we discussed two different types of love…reverence and intimate love. We asked ourselves a pretty tough question about our relationship with God and moved on to Tuesday where Martha urged us not to try to hard! On Wednesday, Jennifer boldly claimed with us that there is nothing better than giving up everything and stepping into a passionate love relationship with God. On Thursday, Donna pleaded with us to let go and show God the real YOU! That kind of complete disclosure will help break that barrier and give us the intimacy with the Lord we so desperately crave!

Please watch this video from Francis Chan with me now:

Chan tells us that our relationship with God is not like any other relationship in the world, but we spend our whole lives trying to figure it out. We don’t need to figure it out, we need to surrender and trust God with all of who we are!  THIS is the most fascinating relationship in your life….  I hope you believe that and crave it now more than ever!

Blessings,

Megan 🙂

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Let’s Pray:

God, we love You! We want to know You more intimately than we can even dream of! Help us to surrender everything today that might be hindering us to have this passionate closeness with You. We pray we are forever changed in how we have a relationship with You, Lord! Thank You for this provision! In Jesus’ name we pray, amen!

Your Assignment:

Does your relationship with God resemble an “in-love” relationship?  Please comment below <3

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If you would like to email a private message to Megan in regards to this blog, please email her at: megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com